16 Truths for for a Happy Marriage

Do read the book “The 5 love languages” early in your marriage.

Don’t accept jewelry with “You should return this, it cost too much” because your love language isn’t gifts.

Do take your long hair out of your husband’s hairbrush if you use it.

Don’t share a hairbrush.  

Do tell your husband he is really, really tall.

Don’t decide to challenge his height by measuring how tall he really is.

Do make homemade meals for your husband.

Don’t get offended when your husband says your homemade pasta ravioli tastes like Olive Garden.

Do shower your husband with lots of attention.  

Don’t ignore your husband for a year after you have your first child.  

Do leave detailed instructions for your husband when he cares for the children as if he is a babysitter.  
Don’t offend your husband by saying it is like he is “babysitting” his own children.   

Do get a mommy’s helper occasionally if you are home with little children all day.

Don’t threaten to lock your husband out of the house if he is home five minutes late from work. 

Do act like you have missed your husband all day when he returns from work.

Don’t talk to the dog before you talk to your husband.

Do answer your phone when your wife is trying to reach you.

Don’t act like you are going to run over your husband when you finally get a hold of him. (especially in front of his business associate)

Do talk openly with each other.

Don’t tell your spouse, “Wow, it is hard for me to talk to you with that big zit on your forehead”

Do find the name of the closest drycleaner.

Don’t promise to iron if you don’t know how to iron.  

Do apologize to spouse when you are wrong.   

Don’t tell your spouse you have an “Unable to Apologize Disorder.”  

Do refrain from keeping secrets.  

Don’t tell your husband about late public library fees.

Do tell your spouse how smart they are.

Don’t feel the need to look up something on the internet to prove them wrong.

Do enjoy a sense of humor with your spouse.

Don’t enjoy a sense of humor at your spouse’s expense “all the time”

Do let your spouse know you can’t imagine your life without them.

Don’t follow that up with, ‘I can’t imagine life without our [newest dog]”.

Seriously, eat a family meal whenever you are together at dinnertime as a family.

And…

My child, I won't promise you ice cream, but I will promise you this...

This about did me in this weekend.  “But Daddy, Mommy PROMISED she would take me to the store this weekend. She always breaks her promises. She forget to print two things out for me this week too.”

Let’s look at the definition of promise:

Promise [ ˈpräməs ]

noun

1.     a declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing or that a particular thing will happen:

synonyms: word (of honor) · assurance · pledge · vow · guarantee · oath ·

bond · undertaking · agreement · commitment · contract · covenant

2.     the quality of potential excellence:

synonyms: potential · ability · aptitude · capability · capacity

3.     an indication that something specified is expected or likely to occur:

synonyms: indication · hint · suggestion · sign

verb

4.     assure someone that one will definitely do, give, or arrange something; undertake or declare that something will happen:

synonyms: give one's word · swear · pledge · vow · undertake · guarantee ·

contract · engage · give an assurance · commit oneself · bind oneself · swear/take an oath · covenant · plight

I didn’t break a promise about the  store, I changed my mind. I get to  do that, I am the parent. And forgetting to print something out is called being human.

When did this word promise become part of our children’s vocabulary? Oh, at a very young age apparently.


“YOU PROMISED ME ICE CREAM” followed by the 3 year old tantrum

Really, ice cream is a vow, pledge, undertaking?  Here is what a promise to you my child, as your parent.  I will:  

Love you unconditionally like the day you were born.

Raise you in a Christian home.

Love you father.

Care for you when you are sick.

Make sure you have food on the table.

Make sure you have a roof over your head.

Make sure you have a shirt on your back and shoes on your feet.

Support you in your academics.

Help pay for college to the best of our abilities.

Support you in your afterschool activities, as long as they don’t interfere with academics.

Discipline you.

Teach you.

And once again, love you.

 

These, my child, are promises.

 

 

If I have a happy marriage, why did I spend my wedding anniversay crying?

It’s not because my husband forgot to buy me a card and his usual flowers. He did forget, but he’d had a long day and when he told me I actually laughed. I laughed because I bought him a card and I NEVER do! And then I forgot to give him the card, we both laughed.

It’s not because we got married on April Fool’s Day and he played a mean trick on me.  Or vice versa.

And it’s not because he fell asleep in his chair by 9:00 pm.

It’s simply because our children had left us flowers that morning of our anniversary and two homemade cards.

This one made me laugh

 The second card made me laugh too.

“It takes a lot of strength to keep a marriage alive this long. Don’t worry, you make it look easy.”

Any married person knows it is not easy. We realized a couple years ago that all our friends were not going to stay married, and it made us start to appreciate each other more.  

 I told our children how much I appreciated their thoughtfulness all day, which included a romantic “breakfast” dinner for two.

I wanted to shout from the roof top that it meant more to me than they could ever know, how happy I am that they are being raised with both their parents and to cherish every moment.  

Then it hit me, this girl from a “broken home” whose parents divorced when she was very young, was already is teaching them that. 

And that is why I couldn’t stop crying. 

 

Things you never knew you needed to know!

 

It is normal to reflect upon your life when birthdays are approaching. One the eve of mine, I would like to share some of what I have learned over the years. And perhaps, some observations, truths and just plain good advice.   

1. Go to church.
2. Don’t spoil your children, but do spoil your husband.
3. Act irrational and crazy once in a while around your husband so he doesn’t get spoiled.  
4. Play games. (Oh, not "play games" but "play" games like UNO, Yahtzee, checkers, wiffle ball, etc...  )
5. Don’t gloat when you win, or pout when you lose.  
6. Ask for forgiveness when you gloat when you win and pout when you lose. 
7. It is impossible for your children to only inherit just your fabulous, wonderful qualities. 
8. Love your children. 
9. Don’t judge people. 
10. Double check that your clothing or bathing suit covers up your birth control patch. 
11. If you are going to wear a thin skirt and be outdoors in the sunlight, it is a good idea to wear a slip. 
12. Don’t wear tan pantyhose with white pumps. Actually, don’t wear either.
13. Don’t wear your husband’s camouflage fleece, pajama bottoms, and slippers when driving your children to school late. You will surely have to go sign them in at the school’s front office. 
14. If you decide to get spunky and wear shorts on that warm mid-winter day, remember to shave the legs you have neglected for 2 weeks. 
15. Enjoy the rain, it brings the sun. (If live you in Seattle, go to a movie and get a coffee.)
16. Try growing a garden and camping, at least once.
17. Be thankful for your parents. 
18. It is okay to go to therapy. 
19. If you have the option of laughing or crying, laugh. 
20. Apologize when you should. 
21. Appreciate your friends. 
22. Dog is a man's best friend. 
23. Ombre style hair is not when your dark roots grow out 4 inches, so book your next hair appointment as your leave your last hair appointment. 
24. Watch hoarders occasionally if you need help getting rid of things you don‘t use, need or like. 
25. Go to college.
26. Nothing good happens after midnight. 
27. Don't drink and drive.
28. Don’t let yourself get over-served. If you do, drink lots of water the next day and take ibuprofen, because you will wish you followed #26. 
29. Nap and occasionally sleep in. (also helpful for #28) 
30. Come to a full stop when a school bus has the “STOP” sign out. 
31. Donate money and/or time to a charity.  
32. Eat dinner as a family. 
33. Eat cereal for dinner if you don’t want to cook; teach your children to cook. 
34. A serving of ice cream is ½ cup, but a serving of Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies is 1 sleeve. 
35. Exercise. 
36. Brush and floss your teeth. 
37. Read something. 
38. Be thankful and keep pity parties short.
39. Smile.   
40. Pray. 

So I am not really 30-something,
oh wait, I am  for a few more days! 

"Where did the love go?"

"I ate it."

As I am counting my Valentine Blessings and being thankful for the love in our home (and trying not to eat every wonderful sweet in sight!), I can't help but remember a conversation I had with my oldest when she was four years old.

It was time for bed and we had read our books and she said, "Mommy, tell me how your parents aren't married anymore..."

I said, "Well, they were married and when I was two, then they got divorced, which means you break up."

She said, "Mommy, no, I don't understand."

I said, "Well, sometimes when people are married, they don't get along..."

"Mommy, no, I don't understand."

"Well, you are married on a peice of paper and you have to go to a lawyer to get divorced."

"Mommy, no, I don't understand."

At this point I am like Help! "You go to a judge...."

Again, "Mommy, I don't understand, I mean... Where did the LOVE go?"

Sometimes as a parent you know God is by your side and helps you find the answer. I tearfully said, "Sweetie, I don't know where the love went, but what I do know is that your Mommy and Daddy love each other very much." It might not sound profound, but I know I had help when I said it! 

Oh, and we will have a whole different conversation when she is 14...like you can't date till you are 30, get to know someone really well... make sure you get along... and any boy will fill out the "Application to Date my Daughter"  as my husband cleans a gun at the coffee table... but I have time...

So you as you celebrate Valentines Day, I hope you feel loved and celebrate the love it your home, and remember the sweet verses below, also read at our wedding ~ 

 

13 Valentines & 13 (or something) pounds later ~
Happy Valentine's Day Honey!

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act  unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails... But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13

  

Technically, I am qualified....

 

I used to wear glasses in all my interviews after college so I would look smart-er
Maybe I just chose the wrong ones!

I have been asked by people who were simply curious, “What made you think you could write and illustrate a book?“ I have always been crafty and taken art classes my whole life, and have two brothers who are writers, but I guess that doesn’t technically qualify me….

In 2004, our friend’s son passed away a month shy of his 4th birthday from an aggressive brain tumor.  Our daughter was almost 2 when he passed away and she asked, “Do you celebrate your birthday in Heaven?” I remember that struck me as very “coincidental” because we did not mention his upcoming birthday. That is the first question I wrote down, I didn‘t know why, but I wrote it down.

Then in 2005, another friend’s daughter passed away at the age of 6 after a sudden illness. Our children were now 3 ½ and 1 ½, and a week later my oldest asked, “If I let a balloon go, will it go all the way to Heaven?” Also coincidental, as she did not attend the funeral and see the school-age children releasing balloons at the service. That was the second question I wrote down of many more to come, thinking “I should do a children’s book”

Some time later, we had dinner with our former pastor from Savannah and his wife. I had my folder of questions in the car. I shared my book idea with them and said I wanted to represent Jonathon in the book. At the end of dinner, Carol told me how 9 months after Jonathon died, his sister said “Mommy, I know what Jonathon does in Heaven! He paints the rainbow!” Little did she know, “Mommy, who paints the rainbow?” was just asked a week earlier and it was written down in the car.

You could have blown me over with a feather, and I knew at the moment, it wasn’t a matter of “I should do a book" it was, I “have” to do this book.  I began to tell people with a new confidence and determination, that I was going to do this book, I wasn’t sure how yet… but I was sure…

So, now you may ask… what qualifies me to do a blog? Well, I have two brothers that have blogs, so technically, I must be qualified!